If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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