ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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