when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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