it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
