five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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