I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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