I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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