You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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