I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
