When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
