I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
