Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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