Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
