it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
