At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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