watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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