Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
