epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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