Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
