I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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