And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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