3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
