When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
