at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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