So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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