my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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