I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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