I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
