i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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