look no pants
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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