I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
