Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.