i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit