my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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