"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?