If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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