woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson