Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sext me about skeletons
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
