Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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