If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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