Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
