She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
