She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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