Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
