I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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