Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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