I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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