Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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