nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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