I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
