Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
