Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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