the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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