I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
