I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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