Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
