i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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