we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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