I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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