You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
