I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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