Capitaan dildo arrescate!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
