Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
