Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
