I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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