I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
