im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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