Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
