I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
