thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
