playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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