It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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